A&M vs. LSU: The Female Student Bodies

So the game is finally here and I must say the wait has been excruciating. However, with all that time on my hands, I was able to do quite a bit of research on both teams/schools/student bodies.

I decided to let the experts handle the football side of things while I delved into the more intense facets of each school.

Here is my unbiased analysis on the female student bodies of each:

Freshmen

Edge: LSU

While I would love to give this one to the Ags, LSU freshmen attainability, due to coming in with much lower expectations for their lives and a drastically more realistic approach to what college will entail, really puts them over the top. Do both schools have drinkers? Well yes. Do both schools have girls that can suck a golf ball through a garden hose? Of course. However the difference lies in the amount of work you have to put in to land one of these previously mentioned floozies. At A&M you have to take them out to dinner and then find a way to get them into whatever bar you want to go to that night. Then, and sometimes not even then, will you be able to crack open the treasure chest that is freshmen Aggie girls. With LSU’s girls, if you have a car and a bottle of Boonesfarm, the game is over.

Sophomores

Edge: Even

Sophomore girls, be it in Austin, Baton Rouge, College Station, Lubbock, or even crappy college towns like Houston, are all the same. They have had a full year away from their parents and have realized that all the morals and respectability they were taught in their youth is nice during the daylight, but when its dark outside, no one will say anything. They have also learned how much they can drink so you run a much lower risk of them pulling a RyanLostinTX. This one is a draw

Juniors

Edge: A&M

Junior girls at A&M are unlike anything I have seen before. They are old enough to know how to act like they are out in the real world, but they still have their daddy’s debit cards. Not only can you get the hussies into whatever bar you wanna go to, but they LOVE to drop a “Oh I’ll just put it on my daddy’s card!” LSU girls have been known to try the same thing, but I always feel bad when ‘their daddy’s card’ is an ACE Cash Express ‘pay as you go’ card. Once you leave the bar, the Aggie girls will go out of their way to do all kinda of grown up stuff with you once you get her home. LSU girls try to, but they are either too hammered or they have a serious case of ‘leather vagina’ from over use.

Seniors

Edge: Draw

Senior year with college girls is a lot like a garage sale. There could be some good stuff out there, but even the coolest shit has been used by someone else a time or five. The A&M girls have discovered that beer gets em drunk so they all have muffin tops. LSU girls have discovered that Olde English is cheap so they are all getting picked up at the corner store by former football players. Really nobody wins with senior girls.

OVERALL

Its hard to say which side wins in this battle, but all I know is that either way, if you get em drunk enough, you shouldn’t have any trouble closing the deal tonight unless you are a total dick head. I personally will be looking for LSU girls because they will be a little down and out after A&M kicks their team’s ass.

Good day and good hunting.